{mally powell}

Day 54 - Inglorious isolation diaries

16 May 2020

I made a den with Titch for a cubs virtual 'camp at home', despite him being massively resistant after a recent ‘ friends challenge’ den building disaster (the fun challenge ended in tears and assumption of abject general failure at life. Can’t think where he gets that from).

The den has survived a few hours and so far the only tears came when he tried to bound out head first at the exact moment I tried to pass in my laptop for him to take part in a zoom 'campfire' (I expect my 'Top Mum' badge is in the post). 

Feels like a win. 

Day 37 - Inglorious isolation diaries

29 April 2020

Ups:

• Sourdough starter finally bubbled into life.
• Loaf made with the starter - and recipe - our lovely neighbour gifted was a success!
• Made pastry for use-it-up pasties, which were yum.
• Work was reasonably productive-ish.
• did a 10 minute ballet workout and felt better for it. Thought at the time I’d be crippled by teatime (legs heavy!) but so far so good... we’ll see if those are famous last words tomorrow.

 

Downs:

• Titch frustrated by schoolwork time management and a bit overwhelmed by seeing the list of work waiting to be done.
• Both his social zoom calls were a bust today for different reasons, I think he needed one.
• Had to trim the dogs backside as it had got crusted up. Not fun for anyone concerned! Have never appreciated the work of a groomer more...
• Neck and shoulders are tight and sore, despite a yoga session (though that helped).
• Feel creatively frustrated - lots of projects I want to work on but can’t seem to get going.

Day 29 - Inglorious isolation diaries

21 April 2020

Yesterday was the second anniversary of Dad's death, but today is the anniversary of The Phonecall and it feels more like the ‘real’ one to me. That was early on a Saturday morning; it took until the Monday to be 100% sure that he was really dead and have any sort of proper - if still, forever, incomplete - idea what had happened.

I’ve found today hard. I did a short yoga flow this morning, which was lovely but made me weep. I struggled to concentrate on work all morning, and was ratty and irritable with Titch this afternoon (and then massively guilty for being so ratty and irritable...).

But there were also hugs, and laughs, and flourless orange cake.

*

I cut Himself's hair this evening; it doesn’t look awful.

I think we’re all having waves of finding the whole lockdown thing hard. Titch is missing school and his friends, and is struggling to find projects to lose himself in. 

It's interesting how many of us are simultaneously craving contact and hunkering down. Friends talk of wanting to ‘escape’ the familiar walls and same faces, to see friends and shoot the breeze, but by the evening the idea of a (yet another) zoom call feels overwhelming and exhausting. We shifted our mid-week lovely-friends evening call to a morning coffee at the weekend it worked much better, though inevitably came with a small side order of ‘should be wrangling’ guilt. 

It can be overwhelming just discussing Covid news the whole blasted time, because there is No Other News and no one is going anywhere, or doing anything that isn’t a blur of work-school-domestic juggling. 

Leaving the house feels essential, and at the same time worrying. I fret while out and am glad to get home safe, but I also ache for a change of scene. Shopping trips are anxiety inducing; I often develop a psychosomatic sore throat for a few hours after a weekly trip to a shop.

I’ve never baked so much. If we could guarantee a supply of self raising flour and eggs it would be the perfect time for my ‘1 cake:52 ways’ project. Instead, Titch and I are on the third iteration of a flapjack recipe - perfection still eludes us but the ideal balance of chewy/crumbly/crispy goodness is getting closer.

How odd that Dad knows nothing of all this.

I’m so thankful that we weren’t in lockdown 2 years ago, and were still in the EU (oh, my heart). And my heart aches for those facing similar trials now, it doesn’t bear imagining.

Day 20 - inglorious isolation diaries

12 April 2020

Easter Sunday and Mum's birthday. Weird to be so close and not visit.

I agonised about going to wave and drop presents but didn’t in the end as it felt like pushing our luck. She dropped off Easter eggs yesterday on her way to click and collect a grocery shop she'd managed to book (after days and days of trying) so we put up a ‘happy birthday’ banner in the porch with her presents & waved wildly from the window. It was so good to see her.

We had a family zoom this afternoon instead, which was nice.
Odd, but nice.